If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
