apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
