She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
