apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
