so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my shit smells like andre
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
