More tranny stories later!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
