I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I forget how to act sober
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
