you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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