I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
