Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
