Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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