You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
