This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
