i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
