So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
