i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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