I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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