cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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