i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
