I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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