he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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