I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
