Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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