Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
