the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
