we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
