Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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