i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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