I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
