So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
