what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Damn victory sex feels great
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