Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
