I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
