I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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