I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Randomize
