you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
