Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
