Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
