That's intense
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
