My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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