I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
