you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
