I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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