I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
