dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
