so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
