it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
