I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
