His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
