Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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