I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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