I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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