Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
