I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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