You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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