Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
