As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think a kid would responsible me up
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
