if you like me you must not know who I am
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
