like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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