I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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