Screwed.edu
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
