Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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