her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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