She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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