You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
