He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
