You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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