He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
