You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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