You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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