how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
