I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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