bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
