At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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