Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
