You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
