Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
