Soap is not a condiment
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize