Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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